by Michael Donley

“The Unicorn Song” was originally written by Shel Silverstein. It had a sad ending that I didn't like. So I convinced Andrew to change the ending. When the Brobdingnagian Bards recorded the song, it became one of our most-popular performances. That's when our friend Michael Donley filked it using the Lord of the Rings as the subject of his filk. I loved the parody and after many years, I finally recorded it for my CD, What Color Is Your Dragon?.

A long time ago, when Middle Earth was green
There were all kinds of monsters that you've never seen
They'd run around and slay to enforce the Dark Lord's rule
But the deadliest of all were the nine Nazgul

There were mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
Some worgs and wraiths and oliphants but the most cruel;
The deadliest of all were the nine Nazgul

Well the Dark Lord lost his finger, and it gave him pain
He cried, “Find that which was called Isildur's Bane”
He says, “Hey Witch King Angmar this I command to you:
Kill Sam and Frodo too, (Then I'll rule with all of those…)

Mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
Some worgs and wraiths and oliphants but don't be a fool
Don't disappoint me Lord of the Nazgul

The Witch King was there to answer the call
He reached the Shire just as dusk started to fall
He sliced through the guardsmen two by two
And called out with each he slew. Hey Lord!…

I've seen mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
Some worgs and wraiths and oliphants but Lord of the Nazgul
Finally, found the Hobbits near Amon Sul

Then the Nazgul chased Frodo through the open plain
Until the Fords of Bruinen they finally came
Wading and splashing through the river cool
Oh those silly nine Nazgul. They were better than…

The mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
The Witch King cried get the ring my nazgul
Nothings going to hurt us in this oversized pool.

Well, Gandalf was there at the other side
The nazgul looked up from the rocks and they cried
And then river horses came down and sort of washed them away
That's why you'll never see a Nazgul to this very day

Nor mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
Some worgs and wraiths and oliphants but be glad you fool
You don't live in fear of the nine Nazgul.

Now you might think this is the ending to the song
But I have to tell you friends that in fact you'd be wrong
Because Nagul, well, they're magical so when the river started roarin'
They got some mounts with wings as a gift from Sauron

Over the mean cave troll bashers and drakes with wings
Some ugly black goblins and some Nameless Things
But if you're looking for the Nazgul, can't wait for more
The Witch King dies to Eowyn at the Battle Pel'nor.