Dear Diary, today I was eaten alive...

I was standing there with my wife Ellen peering through the trees when we saw them--a group of people trespassing on MY land! Holy sh*t! How dare they! I was ready for a major ass-kicking.

Ellen and I ran out of the bushes. Our 12-gage shotgunns were locked and loaded. "All right, you pieces of sh*t. You come on my land, you give me the right to kill you."

"Joe," said Ellen.

"Or maybe I"ll just beat you until --"

"Joe," she insisted.

"Ellen, I'm talking here."

"You need to be looking here."

I finally looked up and saw small group of the palest human-like creatures I'd ever seen. They looked human. But they were just too pale. They looked like living death. "Holy sh*t!" I yelled and drew my shotgun up to fire.

I heard a snap. I quickly moved my shotgun off towards the brush. There was nothing there. Then from out of the side of my eye I saw those ghasts move closer. I turned and shot the largest of them.

He didn't fall. There is no f**king way on earth he could survive a 12-gage in the chest. No way! The bastard didn't fall! He stumbled back a moment, looked down at his chest and then the whole lot of them were on top of us. I heard Ellen screaming, but I could do nothing with the ghouls rippping at my body and eating my flesh.

"My God! What on earth..." Then I died.


On the bright side, it sounded like the dead enjoyed a tasty meal. Kristen joined the folks eating my flesh. Blood dripping from their mouthes as I writhed in agony.

Ah. It may've been a six hour wait to shoot, but boy was it a good day. :)

So goes my first official day as a professional actor.

Cedric of the Bedlam Bards recorded on my cat CD this past weekend. He told me he wrote a filk of "The Ballad of Jayne" in honor of Joss Whedon. I found it at the FireFly website.

You can help Spread the Signal by downloading & forwarding this free Firefly MP3 now.


The Ballad of Joss

Joss, the man they call Joss . . .

He wrote about spaceships and shepherds and whores,
Stood up to the networks and gave ‘em what for.
Fox cancelled his program, but that was their loss--
The creator of Firefly, the man they call Joss!

Our Joss saw the viewers’ hearts breakin’,
He heard the Browncoats’ lament,
He saw the Fox network takin’,
His show in a way that made no sense.
(He said) “You can’t do that to my program,
Can’t grind it under your heel.”
So he took all the cast,
And now at last,
They’ve landed a Big Damn Movie deal!

He wrote about spaceships and shepherds and whores,
Stood up to the networks and gave ‘em what for.
Fox cancelled his program, but that was their loss--
The creator of Firefly, the man they call Joss!

Now here is what separates Whedon,
From writers who slave in the core,
The man they call Joss,
Well, he said to Fox,
“I’m going where no show has gone before.”
He told us about reavers,
He told us about sin,
He took us to the black,
And we ain’t comin’ back,
‘till all those crazy Browncoats rise again!

He wrote about spaceships and shepherds and whores,
Stood up to the networks and gave ‘em what for.
Fox cancelled his program, but that was their loss--
The creator of Firefly, the man they call Joss!

Now, here is what separates Firefly
From other shows you’re likely to see—
It’s meaningful and witty,
And the setting’s really gritty,
And the theme song is about Serenity.
It’s a little like a western,
And a little like X-Files,
It’s better than Trek,
And funnier than Shrek,
And it beats out Andromeda by miles!

He wrote about spaceships and shepherds and whores,
Stood up to the networks and gave ‘em what for.
Fox cancelled his program, but that was their loss--
The creator of Firefly, the man they call Joss!

--James Hazlerig
fithelere@aol.com
www.BedlamBards.com

From the popular Firefly episode called "Jaynestown". My friend Cedric wrote a cool parody called "The Ballad of Jayne". You can also download and share a free Firefly MP3 of this song.


The Ballad of Jayne

Jayne, the man they call Jayne

He robbed from the rich
And he gave to the poor
Stood up to the man
And gave him what for
Our love for him now
Ain't hard to explain
The hero of Canton
The man they call Jayne

Our Jayne saw the mudders' backs breakin'
He saw the mudders' lament
And he saw the magistrate takin'
Every dollar and leavin' five cents
So he said "you can't do that to my people"
He said "you can't crush them under your heel"
So Jayne strapped on his hat
And in 5 seconds flat
Stole everythin' Boss Higgins had to steal

He robbed from the rich
And he gave to the poor
Stood up to the man
And gave him what for
Our love for him now
Ain't hard to explain
The hero of Canton
The man they call Jayne

Now here is what separates heroes
From common folk like you and I
The man they call Jayne
He turned 'round his plane
And let that money hit sky
He dropped it onto our houses
He dropped it into our yards
The man they called Jayne
He stole away our pain
And headed out for the stars

He robbed from the rich
And he gave to the poor
Stood up to the man
And gave him what for
Our love for him now
Ain't hard to explain
The hero of Canton
The man they call Jayne.

Oh! And now the Bedlam Bards CD, On the Drift (Firefly and Serenity Music) is now on sale at CDBaby.

Artist: The Rogues
Album: Roguetrip
Year produced: 2005

Track 1 on the latest effort from Celtic band The Rogues lit me up right off the bat, a powerful sound that is at once traditional and progressive and one that gets you excited to hear more.

The second track, The Warrior's Salute, has the proper amount of ceremony in the music to carry the title. The meaning in that is personal, and the pipes are played in tribute to the band's friend Jeff "Mayhem" Thompson who they lost in 2004.

Ronds is traditional dance music, with the slow beginning designed to give the dancers time to get into position. The Binou Braz (Highland Pipes) and Bombarde (feral oboe) lend a sound to the song which is different than the ones before it.

The sound changes yet again in track 4, When Diana Fell, the only track with lyrics on this CD. This song has almost a pop music feel to it, with vocal harmonies and easy melody--far simpler than the complex playing on the tracks before and after it.

Back to the Faire, track 5 gets back to the traditional feel, which continues pleasantly through more dance music on track 6, An Dro (The Turn).

Get set for some more expert pipe playing on track 7, Bagpipes on Bourbon Street, which plays with different rhythms and succeeds in keeping interest with the addition of the drums halfway through the song which keeps the momentum going.

Track 8, Conception is completely different, and has an almost funky feel to it. A modern style of playing which is fun and groovy all at the same time, totally different than anything else on the CD.

Then off to track 9 which is a free wheeling ride through different rhythms and time signatures. From one to the next, again it keeps things moving and interesting for the listener.

With track 10, Marren's Jig, it's back to the basics, simple jig music written to practice hard shoe dancing to--and you'll hear it in the music too.

More dance music follows with a hornpipe named after famous Highland dancer, Bobby Cuthbertson, which starts off with the slow whine and picks up to the poppy, energetic pace that switches to a lively jig to finish.

The final track on this CD is a gorgeous end to it all. A deep, soulful flute coos out quietly, finishing off the album.

Sometimes the fun is in knowing what is coming next, and sometimes it is in the surprise. With the Rogues, you'll not know what you are going to get, but you know it will be fine, fine music indeed.


   Buy the Album: Roguetrip

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Catherine L. Tully is a freelance writer and photographer specializing in the arts. She has written for Dance Teacher Magazine, Classical Singer and Dance Spirit among others, and reviews music for Celtic MP3s Music Magazine. You can reach her at www.freelance-zone.com.

by Michelle Osborne

Artist: The Pogues
Album: If I Should Fall From Grace With God
Year produced: 1988

I knew nothing of the world of Celtic rock until I was sent a preview copy of Marc Gunn's newly-released compilation, "The Secret World of Celtic Rock." Instantly, I was intrigued and was told to go listen to The Pogues who are highly influential in the Celtic rock world.

The Pogues, who's original name Pogue Mahone means "kiss my arse" in Gaelic, were founded by Shane MacGowan in 1981. Since then, they have shortened their name to the now well-known "The Pogues" (after a DJ discovered what pogue mahone meant) and put out 13 albums and several videos of their performances.

If I Should Fall From Grace With God, released in 1988, was their 3rd album and contains over 50 minutes of some truly great music. One of the highlights of this album is the Christmas anthem, "Fairlytale of New York." After a beginning with a solo voice and piano, it launches into a song that starts idealistic and turns fairly harsh as the couple involved speak of what has happened to their dreams. One can easily hear the youthful idealism that turns to cold pessimism as the song spins around them. Another particular favourite is the "Turkish Song of the Damned." Be ready to crank the volume up on this one! Beginning with a driving beat and a Mediterranean-influenced melody, it continually floats between this sound and a more Celtic-inspired dance tune. Screams and howls punctuate the singing, while the latter portion is a driving revved-up jig. A couple other highlights include the instrumental "Metropolis," which was inspired by Leonard Bernstein's music (no doubt this would be West Side Story), and "Streets of Sorrow/Birmingham Six," a song which shows their Republican leanings and was actually banned by the BBC.

If you're looking for an album of solid Celtic rock, which is both unique and fun to listen to, you cannot possibly go wrong with this album by The Pogues.


   Buy the album: If I Should Fall From Grace With God

---

Celtic MP3s Music Magazine writer, Michelle Osborne, is a native to the central New York region. She plays both high and low whistles regularly with the Syracuse Irish session. Besides being heavily involved in Irish traditional music, she is also a classical clarinetist and composer.

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do Father'.

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall'.

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to got to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father', was the man's reply.

'Then stand over there against the wall', said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father'.

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now'.

It was 1992. I was living in a roach infested apartment off Riverside Drive in Austin. My brother had left the army and needed a place to stay. For about four months he was living with my roommate Jason and me.

We used to live in San Antonio so Sean started visiting his friend Rafael down there. Rafael was an Amway distributor. At the time, I had no clue what Amway was. But my brother was now sold on it. He and Rafael introduced it to me. Rafael was good. He explained the multi-level marketing aspects of the business, then he got me visualizing. "If you had $5000 a month, what would you do?" he asked.

At the time, I didn't really have any dreams or aspirations. I was stumbling along through college flipping from Computer Science to Communications to Undecided Liberal Arts. I had no clue what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had a gutiar and jammed on that now and then, but it didn't go far.

"Seriously, if you had the money... the freedom to do whatEver you like. What would it be? Want a nice sports car?"

I thought about it. Not really. I prefer something practical. "No."

"A huge house."

Yeah, one day, I'd like a house, but nothing grandiose. I just want a place to live. "No. Not really."

"Well, you lived in Italy. Would you like to visit there again?"

"Now that would be kinda cool," I thought. But I still wasn't that excited.

"So just imagine is there one thing you used to dream about when you were a kid. Fancy clothes, exotic yachts, something so big you never thought it was possible."

"Elvis," I said.

"Huh?"

"When I was a kid I used to pretend I was Elvis Presley."

Rafael shifted uneasily in his chair. Then he leaned forward, "Um, yeah, a musician. If you made thousands of dollars a month you could play music all around the world."

Rafael no more understood my dream than I did. Thirteen years later, I look at my calendar, and I have just one more week to go before that dream becomes a reality.

*sigh*


It's hard for me to imagine achieving a dream thirteen years after I started it. That sounds weird. It certainly has made me very patient and reflective.

I am very fortunate. There are many people who I have dragged along on my dream rollercoaster, but there are many others who never got the chance. Life took them in other directions. And I know many people who have no motivation. Or worse, people who don't have faith.

I always loved that song by George Michaels, "You Gotta Have Faith." When I heard that song, it was my faith in Jesus. But I am also a firm believer that you can't just sit around and wait for things to happen.

How does that story go? A man was at home watching TV when a warning came up on the TV saying a flood was coming. The man said, "I'll trust in God and everything will be alright."

The water rose and the man climbed safely to the roof of his house. A boat came by. "Climb in the boat and I'll row you to safety."

"I will be safe cuz I trust in God to save me."

Now the man climbed up on his chimney when a helicopter flew low and threw down a ladder. Over a speaker he heard them shout, "Quick, climb on the ladder and we'll take you to saftey."

The man shouted back, "No thanks. I will trust in God to save me."

Finally, the man died and went to Heaven. There he saw God and asked, "What happened? I was trusting in you to save me and you didn't."

God replied, "I sent you a TV warning, a boat and a helicopter, what more did you want?"


Faith is important to me. It has served me well these last thirteen years. There were times when I was miserable and depressed working in a dead end job praying I could quit it and do music full-time. And with time, that prayer was answered. Thank you too for all of your prayers.


Sorry to harp on on this, but it is extremely exciting for me. I am to finally find my way. A lot of this is from the kind support of my friends, like you, fellow musicians, and loved ones.

There's a massive number of things I've done to help me on this journey. Here are some of my many projects.

· Music with the Brobdingnagian Bards,
· my poetry book, Bella Filiocht,
· Celtic MP3s Music Magazine,
· Bards Crier Music Marketing and Promotion Ezine,
· My 2nd brilliantly-produced solo CD, Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers,
· my Cat Lovers Podcast,
· a Free Music Downloads Blog,
· fantasy art with my friend Jen Clower-Brown,
· Celtic CDs galore,
· my new podcast for Renaissance Festivals,
· and my NEWEST Podcast with Andrew, A Brobdingnagian Minute.

There's a lot of little things to be sure. And I expect a lot more. Here's some things I'm planning: several more CDs, comedy radio shows, acting in movies and on the stage, a music promotion book, another poetry book, more art from me and also from my step-mom who I will help promote very soon.

The list goes on and on, and I'm probably boring you. But I hope you will be a part of it. Thanks!

Mreow! *HUGS*

PS. I just got word that some of the Brobdingnagian Fairy Tales will be shipped tomorrow. That means they WILL be here in time for the CD release parties. YAY!