“The Mining Ship the Red Dwarf” (parody of “The Bonnie Ship the Diamond”)
by Marc Gunn, February 23, 2005

Performed by Marc Gunn
From CD: Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers

The mining ship the Red Dwarf
Is careening off into space.
Three million years its been adrift.
You’re the last of the human race.
You were frozen in a stasis tube
For saving Frankenstein
The cat race Grandma was in the hull
When it became “Gazpacho” time.

–chorus–
And it’s cheer up MREOOW!
How I’m looking now?
On the mining ship the Red Dwarf
I’m the coolest Cat around.

I’ll have one fish for my breakfast.
I’ll have two fish for my tea.
I’ll learn to fish from the food dispenser.
Six fish is all I need.
I wear my suit of gold lamee
And earrings like fish bones
I spend my day investigating
And playing with my Yo-Yo. (Look at my shiny thing)

If the despair squid gets his way
I may lose my cool and flip.
Imagine I have buck teeth so big
Druids go there to worship.
Some may say that I’m a shallow guy.
But the Inquistor knows it’s true.
But an arse like mine is quite divine
So have a look or two.

Here’s a health to my man Ace Rimmer
Likewise to Frankenstein
Here’s a health now to that mirror there
I can see I’m looking fine.
My organs are color-coordinated
My stomach is feng shui
My heart it thumps with a funky beat
Like a salsa dance gourmet.

I’m gonna get you little fishies
I’m gonna get you little fish.
I hope I don’t break another tooth
In a future echo rift.
Then I’ll play a game called Better Than Life
Have a mermaid girlfriend
She’s top half fish and lass below
And tastes good on both ends.

Background

It’s taken me over a year “research” this song (boy, if research were like this in college…). At long, I finish it. The song is a parody of the Scottish song, “The Bonnie Ship the Diamond.” It tells the story of the “coolest” character on the British TV show “Red Dwarf.” Course, it was written for my Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers.

You can listen and enjoy more cat songs on Spotify.