“Those Characters Died” lyrics by Marc Gunn
D&D parody of “People Who Died” by Jim Carroll

Performed by Marc Gunn
From CD: Sci Fi Drinking Songs

Rat robbed a dragon level 32 beware,
Little did he know it was Tiamat's lair
Runt went to Tiamat to seek is revenge,
His hairy halfling toes were completely singed
Dag was backstabbed drinking beer,
What a way to end his career!

* Those are characters who died, died
Those are characters who died, died
Those are characters who died, died
Those are characters who died, died
They were all my characters, and they died.

Kablina wore a Quiver of Ehlonna on his back,
A Staff of the Magi he wielded for attacks
With magic rings and cloaks and spells he couldn't lose
A giant got a crit, he was knocked out of his shoes
Kablina saved kingdoms for heaven's sake, I can't believe he died.

Keff was bitten by an ugly lycanthrope,
He lived a happy life, but was strangled by a rope
Sir Feta was a Paladin and defender of the faith
He was killed by undead and came back as a wraith
That wraith killed King Zimbar. They were characters of mine!

Cathng was an elf, who wasn't quite right
He hacked off body parts and started organ fights
He took on a horde of hobgoblins all alone
Body parts started flying one caught him with a bone
Cathng only smiled at the irony. Before he died.

A roll of the dice and Cu Stronghold was the best
With his falchion sword and leather armor on his chest
He summoned a pseudo dragon and rode a magic rug
Til his familiar was enfeebled by one of his own thugs.
Then Cu was killed by his enfeebled dragon. Why did they have to die?

Nehaunta was a cleric as wise as can be.
He got a ring of wishes while only level three.
What kind of dungeon master would let him raise his stats
It was me so I killed him off with some vampire bats.
I don't remember him, but he died.

Creld was a magic-user, thief acrobat
A good grey elf with a familiar black cat
No way he to be defeated while in the Dirkwood Forest
His psionics got him killed in a battle with a florist.
A florist? Is that really what happened? How did he die?

Delmar was a figher of great reknown
He fought so well that he won the Greyhawk throne
With a thousand hit points in a Monty Haul campaign
He died fighting Gods and I had to flush him down the drain
Delmar should've died sooner. He was a character of mine.

I found all these characters in a notebook from youth
The memories flooded back and I'm telling you the truth
I look back now and wonder how on earth I lasted
With so many characters lying dead in their caskets
I have so many fond memories… Of how they all died!

Chords Key C

[C] Rat robbed a dragon level 32 beware,
Little did he know it was Tiamat's lair
[F]Runt went to Tiamat to seek is revenge,
[C]His hairy halfling toes were completely singed
[G7]Dag was backstabbed drinking beer, [C]What a way to end his career!