by Chris Cooper

Heres a story, a little bit gory, a little bit happy, a little bit sad
A long time ago, in a pub far away,
I sat on a barstool, just drinking away,

I had one pint of beer, and one shot of scotch
and I drank one to many shots with Darth Maul.

The next morning my head felt heavy which made me shake,
I Fell from a ladder and broke me skull, and they carried me home my corpse to wake.

I arose and had a million ducats, so I bought my lovely Lily the Pink a big coach, with all the pretty fringe on the top.

One day, riding in her coach, Lily was approached by a Dragon who invited her for lunch.
First he brought in tay and cake, then pipes, tobacco and brandy punch.

Someone heard the dragon exclaim:
Well, I'm really quite kind almost all through the year.
Vegetarian ways are now mine out of fear.
But a birthday needs sweets as I'm sure you'll agree.
And barbecued wench tastes like candy to me

as he gulped down Lily
Lily died and went up to heaven.
Oh, the church bells they did ring.

Twas about 12 o'clock and the beer was high
Lily sits up and says with a sigh
I can't get to heaven, they won't let me up
Til I bring them a quart of the Johnny Jump Up!