I was watching the movie Finding Forester a couple days ago. It is supposedly based on the life of a J.D. Salinger. So I read up on Salinger in Wikipedia. He is known for being a very reclusive writer. After a few reviews of his books, he seemed to disappear deeper and deeper into his reclusion.

After seeing the film, I thought unsympathetically, “Well, if you don't like reviews, don't read 'em!” This morning, I woke up to a deeper understanding.

I found out last night I had a gig booked, and I missed it. The error arose from a partial miscommunication, but more so, a screw up on my part. I have email that I haven't touched that is several months old. This one was from May. The correspondence was not complete in my mind. It was left open, but I never followed up on it.

This morning, I received news that I was on the schedule. I must say I was mortified and embarrassed. I sent a couple grand apologies for my screw up. Now comes the waiting period. That's what I hate most, having to wait to be forgiven… if forgiveness is coming. More than likely it is.

Nevertheless, I spend my morning beating myself up wondering, “What's the point? Why do I put myself out there and allow myself to be humiliated? To be ridiculed?”

The ridicule is in my mind though. The embarrassment, the same.

Still, I find myself wondering self-depreciatively about that, and I come to understand why Salinger disappeared, hiding from the world. It's a trap, you see.

If you step outside your door, you must face the wind and all the obstacles in your path. Most are non-consequential, but now and then, the big challenges block you. You can run back inside and not face them, and not grow, or you can face them head on. Bow your head in shame, submit your apologies and continue on the journey to face new opportunities for growth.

I confess, a big part of me wants to run back inside and hide, not to face the embarrassment. But I know that I can't. That is the coward's way. I must accept responsibility for my actions. As a result, I will grow as an individual.

Then, as an added bonus, I will learn that the error wasn't mine. Isn't it crazy to think about all the worries that we allow to plague us. Most of them are inconsequential in the grand scheme of life.