Dear Diary, today I was eaten alive…

I was standing there with my wife Ellen peering through the trees when we saw them–a group of people trespassing on MY land! Holy sh*t! How dare they! I was ready for a major ass-kicking.

Ellen and I ran out of the bushes. Our 12-gage shotgunns were locked and loaded. “All right, you pieces of sh*t. You come on my land, you give me the right to kill you.”

“Joe,” said Ellen.

“Or maybe I”ll just beat you until –”

“Joe,” she insisted.

“Ellen, I'm talking here.”

“You need to be looking here.”

I finally looked up and saw small group of the palest human-like creatures I'd ever seen. They looked human. But they were just too pale. They looked like living death. “Holy sh*t!” I yelled and drew my shotgun up to fire.

I heard a snap. I quickly moved my shotgun off towards the brush. There was nothing there. Then from out of the side of my eye I saw those ghasts move closer. I turned and shot the largest of them.

He didn't fall. There is no f**king way on earth he could survive a 12-gage in the chest. No way! The bastard didn't fall! He stumbled back a moment, looked down at his chest and then the whole lot of them were on top of us. I heard Ellen screaming, but I could do nothing with the ghouls rippping at my body and eating my flesh.

“My God! What on earth…” Then I died.

On the bright side, it sounded like the dead enjoyed a tasty meal. Kristen joined the folks eating my flesh. Blood dripping from their mouthes as I writhed in agony.

Ah. It may've been a six hour wait to shoot, but boy was it a good day. 🙂

So goes my first official day as a professional actor.