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Day 50: We’ve been here almost two weeks as Murphy “negotiates” for the Lady Jean. I’m surprised he hasn’t just climbed aboard and stolen her, but I guess even a pirate has some standards. Plus, if he thinks he’s hunted now—that would have every ship on both sides of the law, and on sky and water—after him. So…here we sit. Murphy, me, and the three other pirates still healthy enough to crew for him. We need three times that even for the Lady Jean.
I’ve used my time in the shipyard to try and learn more about where I am. I’ve asked everyone I can think of, from the shipwrights to the navigators to the channel pilots. They tell me names of places, but I don’t recognize any of them. I still haven’t a clue where this town is located. I’ve pored over every map available, but I can’t find any coastline that looks even remotely familiar.
The good news is that I have been practicing my new songs about town, and they’ve proved to be hits. I wind up performing in every tavern I visit. I’ve also been mixing in a few of my personal “classic” songs as well. The Brobdingnagian Bards biggest hits, as well as my favorite cat songs. I’ve even had a tavern owner or two try to grill me on how to make Mudder’s Milk—I just tell them it is a secret recipe…since I have no idea what would possibly be in it!
The crowds are growing daily. The audiences have been even more responsive than at any place I have played back home. I could get used to this sort of crowd reaction.
The audience can’t help but sing along. This album is going to be a big hit, despite its message. Pirate songs are just really catchy.
I’ve found some fascinating things out about the port in my explorations. There are several other crews here, and some of them are pretty interesting to say the least.
I was in The Broken Dagger last night trying to recruit a few sailors. I bought a young man named Andrew a pint or two—maybe five—of stout. Maybe he reminded me of the old Andrew a bit…
He knocked his coin purse off the table and, as he leaned forward to catch it, I caught a glimpse of something a man shouldn’t have on his chest. I gasped.
She heard this, sat back down, and looked at me with fear in her eyes. She confessed that she had always wanted to be a pirate, so she had run away to sea as a girl.
She really wants to serve on Murphy’s ship—but he would never allow a woman on board.
She begged me to keep the secret to myself. How could I say no? Besides, it would serve Murphy right to get taken in.
Her story was amazing, and I was inspired to write a new song. I call it “The Ballad of Jenny Malloy.” It is one of the best songs I’ve come up with yet for this album, and I hope Murphy likes it as much as I do:
The Ballad of Jenny Malloy
* This is the story of Jenny Malloy
She was handsome rather than cute—
She went off to sea a-dressed as a boy,
Till caught in the wrong birthday suit.
Jenny decided when she was thirteen
That the life of a girl was a bore
So she stole her some trews and a cap and a gun
And left her dull home on the shore.
She applied for a berth with Black Jack Murphy
Because she had heard he was fair.
And he took her on board on the strength of her word
Never thinking to check her down there.
Jenny was clever, she was never caught out.
And the crew came to know her as “Tim”.
They praised the brave lad for the skills that he had
Though they wondered why he didn’t swim.
For years things went fine, but you can’t alter time…
And—as breasts do—hers started to grow.
She’d bind them up tight, but try as she might,
She could not get her voice to stay low.
One night out at sea, with the crew in their cups,
A bet was proposed by O’Hare—
“Let’s whip our poles out,” the man he did shout,
“And see who’s got inches to spare!”
To the wine-sodden crew, with naught better to do,
This seemed like a grand ol’ idear—
But Jenny turned white as the sails on the mast
And she prayed to whoever might hear:
“Oh, Lord, if you’re there, could You lend me a pair—
And give me a handle to crank?
I promise to tithe my whole purse for a year,
And I’ll know who exactly to thank!”
But God and the Devil were busy that day,
Or decided she should pay her due—
‘Cause the trousers went down in a circle all ‘round,
Till Jenny must lower hers too.
Her eyes filled with tears as she thought of the years
These men had all been her best mates.
Then she closed tight her eyes and opened her fly
And delivered herself up to Fate.
When her trousers went down, there was nary a sound
Till the crew as one let out a cheer.
For a cabin boy’s fine when you’re sailing the brine
But a woman is worth more than beer!
So Jenny went on to fortune and fame,
As a pirate both cunning and bold
And her crewmates draw lots for the order of spots
In the queue to her berth in the hold!
—
I’ve managed to sneak a bit of pencil stub from the ship’s doctor, and a few scraps of paper from the cook. I’m recording my thoughts with them so I can reveal Black Jack Murphy’s infamy when I finally return to civilization.
There’s a universal truth about pirates. They hunt treasure, and they don’t care who they have to rob to get it.
There’s a universal truth about dragons. They hoard treasure, and they really don’t like for people to try and take it.
I was kidnapped by the infamous air pirate Black Jack Murphy and his crew of the airship The Lady Jean. They wanted me to chronicle their dragon hunts. Little did Murphy know where my sympathies lie! So, this journal — and the resulting CD, coming soon from Mage Records “Pirates vs. Dragons” — tell the true stories of Pirates vs. Dragons. The CD combines rousing sea shanties about pirates being pirates with songs about the majesty of dragons, and the journal details the privations I suffered. There’s a little something for both sides here–and I bet you find a new favorite or two.
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