When I was a kid, I LOVED going to the dentist. Doc Yoc, we called Doctor Yockleson (sp?), my dentist in Maryland. It was fun. Sure, I'll admit it was partially the because after every visit I got a little toy, like that plastic monster you could put on your finger and go, “Grr Arg!” Very Wedon of it now that I think about it.

But over the years my faith has waned. It really began in college. I went to a dentist to have a tooth fixed. And the messed it up bad. It was hurting afterward. I told them about it and they said it was fine… or would get better… or some such B.S.. Me, being the cowardly, passive aggressive college student I was, I accepted it, found a new dentist, and lived in pain on and off for the past fifteen years.

So it was no surprise last February when I went to the dentist and they told me that fucked up tooth had tooth decay and needed a crown. I don't have the kind of money to fix that. But their computers were down when I finished so I was happy I didn't have to set a date, but expected it to be delayed. Delayed it was. They never called me back to set up an appointment. Eight months later, I call them and say I need another check up.

Last week, I went in and the dentist told me, “You need a crown still and it's getting worse!” He didn't say it was rotting and it was essential. It was a dark, foreboding overtone as if my life will end soon. Sorta like when I went in for the cleaning and told them I've been a little lax at flossing recently. Except in that instance, I've done a great job brushing my teeth regularly thanks to the lessons I learned from Tiziano losing one of his teeth.

Yeah, the dentist left me with a feeling of dread. But I still don't have money. And when they told me it would cost $1200 to do. Youch! Sorry, that'll have to wait. BUT if I could wait until the 1st of November then I'd be fully covered and wouldn't have to pay anything. Hell yeah!

So at the front desk, they confirmed that with the insurance. November 1st. Great! That means I can't leave for Louisiana at the same time as Andrew, but at least I won't have to pay anything for this crown.

Skip ahead to today when the world magically changes before our eyes.

I check in to Castle Dental of Austin. They take me to The Chair where I spend a grueling hour and half trying to keep from choking, tasting that awful cement crap they use to take an “impression”, and stressing out big time… By the end I was almost at the panic attack mode… which I've never done before! And certainly not at a dentist!

I go out to the counter to get my release sheet and miserably wave bye bye when they tell me I'm not covered AT ALL! And even if I WAS covered they'd only cover $170. BULL SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

Now my face in number from the anesthetic and I'm horrendously pissed, trying my best not to curse too much of a storm, but finally realizing where the term “hopping mad” comes from! I was furious and about to go orbital!

After thirty minutes I call my dad to calm down and see what kind of people I can contact to report dental fraud, because when you tell me I'm not gonna have to pay something and then say, “I'm fucked!” That to me is lying and fraud. And it's treating your costumers with contempt!

But it happens a LOT. My dad began telling me how his dentist told him hey needed a crown over some tooth that's been vacant for 30 years. Is that shit REALLY necessary? No! As my dad said, Dentists perhaps are scared. Too many people are brushing and there's not enough rotting teeth around to pay the bills. So instead, they're making up bull shit excuses to “FIX” your teeth. It's B.S.! And I'm sick of it!

When I walk back in they tell me they tried to make a temporary change to my inception date with my insurance since that cock up moved it from November 15th to November 1st. But the insurance company wouldn't budge. The dentist later called me and told me that they were appealing because the insurance people DID SAY November 1st. And there's some documentation of that. So it was the insurance companies fuck up.

But before that happened, the dentist people told me, that the $1200 Quote they gave me was an “error” and it was only $750. Hmm… Which makes it sounds just as fucking fishy to me! I mean, so were you raping me before by charging me $400 than you needed to? OR do you have to LIE about how much it costs to give me a fucking price break?!

Lesson Number One:
While I appreciate the price break, YOU FUCKED UP! So be honest (for once) and say, we'll give you 50% off or some bullshit.

Lesson Number Two:
Dentists! Stop raping your costumers. Treat them with honor and respect and they will be back for another cleaning.

Lesson Number Three:
More little monster finger toys.

Nevertheless, I left there fuming and fucked with indigestion from the fucking medication and feeling like shit all over.

To top it off, my faith in dentists–7% and falling FAST!